I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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