Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
