His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
