East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
