i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
