Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
