you guys were way drunker than both of me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize