Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
