No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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