my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
