She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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