sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
