last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I need a burrito and a hug.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
