I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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