A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
