i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
