Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
