our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh god it's open bar.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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