He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
