just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
