the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
