I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize