I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
