...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
