so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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