she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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