at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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