Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
