i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
