i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
