Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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