dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
