Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its liver damage thursday
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
