Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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