god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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