Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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