Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
nutella sex= disaster
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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