Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Even my vagina gasped.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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