I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
