i don't like sucking hair
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
