don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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