i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
