I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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