oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
