chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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