This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
