Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize