all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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