Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
