end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
