she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What a dumb baby whore.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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