Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
