Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
