i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
