dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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