Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
