1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize