OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
