I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
