Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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