some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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