he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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