I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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