I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
