I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
