Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Damn victory sex feels great
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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