He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
