Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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