Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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