We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
