I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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