Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
