goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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