If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
