There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
