Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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